这几天心情真的真的非常低落就连我自己都想要动手打醒自己了但怎么办呢我就是开心不起来.. 不开心的往事一直浮现在我脑海里不断的折磨我..虽然并不是什么惨事但总以让我心痛流泪.. 这一切都是她害的如果不是两年前她阻挡我的决定不是因为她说要帮我今天的我也许就不需要觉得心痛了.. 就是因为她我的留学梦碎了.. 就算没钱去也听她说割舍卖车去留学早已该想到这一切都是谎言吧.. 都是因为她.. 我今天才烦恼车的问题.. 都是因为她我却要辛苦多5年.. 我真的很心痛对她真的真的彻底死心了..就算事后她也根本没有主动打給我或写信给我解释过什么..我还傻傻的.. 到今时今日我对她死心是为了我9岁那年她答应要买一个可爱的手提包给我结果我等了一晚都没有出现 ; 是为了当天说要回马让我哥我妈和我三个像傻瓜一样在机场等了她一个晚上却没有出现 ; 是为了在3年前她回马说要见面害我等了几天却连电话都没有给我 ; 是为了去年她说要回马接我去日本却又再次没有出现见没有通知 ; 是为了我没有了车子留学日本去不成却连钱也拿不回 ; 是为了说好了要去台湾却一声不响又去不成... 都是因为这些多多的原因我要发誓我再也再也不回也不要再相信她了因为我不想真的不想再失望了... 我的日本留学梦彻底破碎因此我觉得我人生再也没有任何值得我去追寻的目标了.. 我真的真的很想去那里或任何一个其他的国家留学我真的很想体会一下那种感觉结果就是因为一个爱骗人的人害惨而去不成我真的真的真的很不甘心.. 我真的不甘心.. 永远都会有遗憾永远都会因为这个感觉不快乐.. 她就是我'亲爱'的姐姐.. 希望下一辈子不要在当姐妹生生世世都不要.. 我上辈子欠你的已经还清了..我李玉珊再也不欠你什么反而你现在欠我的却很多... 你可以还我的方式就是和我一起祈祷说接下来的生生世世我们不当姐妹不当家人我们只当陌生人彼此不认识会比较好... 就这样彼此不认识更好.. 

=(

Am I really that bad? Am I? Fee is not rising and I'm still using the same fundamental book.. Haven't been told to change yet.. which means I play badly during class.. sigh.. =(

加起来都百多岁了 还为了一点小事吵架 真是无奈 这不是在为难我吗?

原本打算开开心心的放工然后上云顶,谁不知又被爸爸突然发脾气被搞扎了.... 每次都是这样扫兴的下场果然真的不能3人行的我们~

guitar is tougher at each stage even beginner lesson.. lotsa notes and notes and place have to kind of memorize not smartly but heartedly =) even so, it doesn't cross me to stop learning it so far.. i knew the moment i bought the guitar i'm in love with it.. guess my fee's going to increase next month >.< luckily now my pay is slightly higher.. with the DSLR i still need to pay monthly instalment =p so which means i have quite a lot to spend on.. but i watch it carefully to make sure i won't overspend. so far i didn't just overbudget because i normally plan to save more money so that i won't easily overspend. with new fee (around 125) camera (around 105) that's almost the same as my ktm fare last time!! lol i'd rather pay for these XD looking forward for confirmation to get a salary adjustment~~~

New DSLR CANON EOS 600D!!

finally! i got my own DSLR!!! =) finally!!! bought 600D... should have bought 650D instead but nevermind la.. just a few features like touchscreen and slightly slower but just a beginner guess it won't affect my much and few hundred bucks cheaper and better lens, worth it right?? =)

流浪的日子

这几个月我都需要这样毫无目的的游荡,周围流浪因为现在根本没有一个属于我的地方..真的很可怜吧。虽然这种日子我也过不少但是没有一次我会习惯反而变本加厉了因为现在的我已经不是当初的小丫头了! 我发誓我以后都不会这样搬家了反正如果是我一定不会这么笨都是爸爸的错根本一点都没有想到周全现在后悔了吧因为连他自己觉得辛苦了! 活该啦! 都是你的急性子害的!

Some of us searching for a good job with good pay our whole life but still we can't get it even if we have the qualification with matching field but with lower grade.. and i'm sure these people can work as good as those who got good result in academic...

Some of them got their good job with good pay their first try even if they don't have the qualification with matching field but because of their good result they got hired.. and i'm sure not all of these people can work as good as those who got good result in academic.. but still they won't appreciate for what they have and still want to searching for more by giving up.. if this is so, why apply in the first place and compete with those who desperately need it and will appreciate it?

God, tell me is this fair?

烦！

做了接近一个月都还没有一个属于自己的位子，目前做的位子只是暂时借坐因为刚好大肚婆去生孩子了。根本就没有一个空的位子，就算搬进去那个位子也不完全属于我的！为什么？就连电邮都没有！烂透了！！！还有那慢到不行的电脑和笨过猪的系统！一切的一切都使我受不了那个地方。还有那个八婆一大早就板着脸，以为我是请回来帮你接电话的吗？只是高我一级，在那里牙文牙武！啊啊！

还有今天爸竟然告诉我明年和他的大女儿去日本旅行我却不能去！我更本就想死嘛！我一点心情都没有！快烦死啦！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

再见！

我终于都要离开现在的公司了倒数1.5个星期！老实说心情还蛮沉重的最舍不得是我亲爱的同事们。我们不仅仅是同事了是朋友 =) 要换新的环境谁喜欢呢？若不是逼不得已我才不会要离开。但这公司实在是太可恶了！工钱那么少还要包山包海不是人做的！尤其是那种无聊的测试关我叉事啊？去死啦！~亲爱的同事我会想念你们的！我们有缘再相逢！

My Guitar and I again..

Bought guitar CD by Hiroshi Masuda from Japan.. Main reason of buying it was to get his supporter area username and password =) worth it.. I finally got 'Your Song' arranged by him.. What a nice arrangement I must say~ He got something but not as good as Sungha, that's why he's not that famous. but anyhow, I will continue to support him and of course Sungha~ haha. putting effort in my guitar.. wish I could play like them one day.. well, why not right? practice makes perfect. honestly, it becomes harder and harder.. am I told old to learn now? haha.. but I still believe I can do it..

又在碎碎念

今天学完吉他后一个人去了Aeon逛逛
最主要想要喝星巴克的冰沙 ♥ 
选了摩卡巧克力片冰沙~
虽然在减肥但最近周末我偶尔也会给自己放个减肥假 XD
摩卡冰是我的早餐然后买了两个饭团当午餐..
逛来逛去原本打算买一双舒服的上班鞋....
已经看到了一双款式虽然有点老气但是穿起来真的很舒服....
我没买 >.< 为了省五十块
我开始有点后悔了因为我还蛮喜欢那一双鞋 >.<
下次去一定要买........!!!
最近穷到两我自己都快受不了自己了..
没有大吃大喝的我只把钱花在必须的费用还有分担家里的负担加上有人借钱还没还
种种种种的事情都让我快要上吊了..
我想要去旅行!!!!!

Classical Guitar Lesson #13

Did badly in class today.. It was a simple melody but I can't catch the beat to play with teacher.. Luckily I still managed to do it the very last moment in class just now =.= sometimes, I can do better at home but when I play duet with teacher I run out of beat =.= maybe I'm just too nervous............. haha.. again and again teacher asks me to practice more.. need more time.

幸福的真谛是什么？

我知道幸福不是必然
但是我偏偏没有学会去追逐我的幸福
反而每次选择放弃然后逃避
到最后却搞得自己遍体鳞伤
幸福到底是什么？

寂寞的碎碎念

是不是像我这种强悍的女人就没人爱啊？
因为就算没人爱我也很坚强所以都把男人给吓跑了 o.O
虽然单身是好但有时还是会寂寞
真不知道再次谈恋爱的时候会怎样
太久没谈大概会很不自在吧 >.<

What can I do to help?

Recently I have friend who broke up with her 7 years boyfriend. It sounds sad but that's the reality that she needs to face. Her current condition is just like I used to experience.. I feel sorry for her. All that I can do is to talk with her, listen to her and comfort her a little but other than that it's all up to her.. No one can heal her but time and herself. All I see in her all reflected myself 2 years ago.. How silly I was not accepting any kind of advice from my friends but now I know they were right about me. Time heals everything. I wish her all the best. I will do whatever that can help..

Classical Guitar - Lesson #12

Not sure whether my skill has been improved but at least I can feel that I play better than last time.. LOL!.. well, it's a good thing, isn't it? Just that teacher keeps telling me to practice more.. I wish but sometimes after work I really don't feel like touch anything at all.. I'll try my best. Haha.. a lot to practice o.O I love my guitar though.. when can I become an expert? LOL!..

My Guitar and I

Ever since I have my guitar, I don't really feel lonely anymore.. I can feel the fullness of life =)
My guitar and I, we are best friends now~ one day, when I will get a better guitar.. and I will learn piano too =）

Good vs. Bad Customer Services

Have anyone of you experience bad customer service? The answer is yes. Where? Everywhere. Well, the story I'm gonna tell today was my own experience of customer services during my shop outing yesterday in The Curve, Damansara. The bad service I got really bug me till today.

I went to a shop to buy a remove controller rack cost RM29.00. Since I didn't want to bother going to withdraw money again in the machine because the cash i keep is always enough for a month necessary use, anything in extra I will normally pay by debit card. What's the difference? Debit card is actually cash which directly bank into your bank account. So I asked the cashier if I can pay by card since there's no sign of lower limit. She gave me this response, "Huh, RM29 only wor"... I was like what the fuck? RM29 is not money? I'm a customer, I like to pay it any way I want as long as I pay, I can't either pay by cash or card, it's my freedom, since the your store provides such services. You either say "Yes, miss" or "No, miss, we have a lower limit of RMXX if you're paying by card" not such a damn response.

The difference of stepping into Starbucks or some other places, they won't ask the same question. They will try their best to satisfy their customers. Some places where they set a lower limit of using card themselves with a notice pin in front of the POS.

This is the big difference between good and bad customer services. Good service is when staff doesn't give customer stupid responses and ask stupid questions.

Classical Guitar - Lesson #5 & 6

I learned the same exercise in these 2 lessons.. maybe because teacher think that I didn't practice well in lesson 5. Well, i really sucks at counting the time.. it's pretty confusing.. so today teacher asks me to play with heart, guess he notices my problem with tempo. i'll try my best this time.. i have limited time to practice due to work.. learn new chord.. f chord is killing me just now.. i can't press 2 strings with the same finger at the same time.. the melody didn't come out coz i didn't press correctly my second finger touched the first string when i press. i really need practicing more..

p/s: my diet is going on well at the same time.. hmm.. some result.. not much yet coz still pretty early huh.. it's hard but this time i will never give up..! friends, pray for me.. i wanna get as slim as last time =) this time in a healthy and happy way =p

Classical Guitar - Lesson #4

I started to think that guitar is very hard to learn! argh! very hard... my fingers T.T it's been a month! i'm not going to give you up damn guitar! lol! haha.. my left hand fingers are suffering but i like the pain.. anyway i can't feel the pain on my second and fourth finger anymore. today was my fourth lesson, hmm... teacher said i need more practice.. we failed to play duet fluently every time we were about to, i guess that's because i got nervous up every time we played duet! argh! why? because when i play alone i feel ok.. anyway, he gave me some homework, there's few song i need to practice, even though i practice every day but i used around 30 to 45 minutes to practice only, i have time constraint. i need to add up my playing tempo, some songs are slightly higher tempo.. but my fingers -.- zzzzzzz give or take how many months more can i play more fluently? sigh! がんばってください!

p/s: i'm having diet and practicing guitar at the same time =)

爸爸的心声

今天爸爸和我说心事。听了之后我才发现爸爸原来很爱妈妈因为爸爸很疼妈妈，就算自己受委屈也往肚子里吞。然后就觉得妈妈很自私！我妈妈表面上会替我们想但实际上她很多时候只替自己想只是看她打麻将就知道了。她可以为了打麻将忘记了一个妈妈和一个母亲的责任，这个让我最最接收不到。最可恶的是她还要倒反过来责怪我们。很多时候对着他我真的无话可说。妈妈对她自己亲生的儿女特别疼爱，但是除了我之外她很偏心她他别疼大哥哥。在她眼里无论他做了什么就算不对也是对的。妈妈只想到自己的儿子女儿但从来没有想过爸爸的儿女，还天天煽风点火间接离间他们之间的感情。虽然他们当中有两个人没有对我妈妈好但是毕竟也是后母，难道全天下的后母都是这样吗？当初生活很贫困的时候大哥哥在中国因为没有工作所以整天想我们借钱，接了没有还。爸爸今天告诉我去年向他借钱妈妈却逼爸爸还。爸爸觉得很心痛因为他觉得为什么人家借了他的钱就不用还但是向这位借钱不还钱的人借钱却要还。而且爸爸最最心痛的是当爸爸想要那一笔钱出来帮助他现在有难的儿子的时候妈妈却一脸不欢喜，这一点令我爸爸很伤心因为他觉得他是应分帮自己的儿子却无能为力没有应分帮别人的儿子却一点都没有帮少。很可笑吧？由于很自己的儿女疏远了甚至没有联络，爸爸就只剩我一个了。突然觉得爸爸很孤单所以我一定要住在家里。我很爱妈妈也很爱爸爸但当我今天听了爸爸的心事后我就觉得妈妈对于整件有连接的事情都很不公平而且非常的自私。我当然就是那个从小到大左右为难的人了~

My Lover

I'm engaged to my guitar, I just named it Beethoven.. it's my true first love. I'm gonna treasure it a lot =) Just now I accidentally hit it backboard on the table, my heart ache for a while. I will never let it happens again =( Dear Beethoven, I love you~

Stop Treating Me Like a Kid

I really hate I when they still treat me like a kid which can't do anything or help anything. ya. maybe I am financially but my thinking is far more than that. well they made me become a person who doesn't care much around me because when something happen to the person around me I would never care as I think it's not of my business people can settle anything by themselves. sigh. I really really hate it when they doesn't tell me anything. I mean how old am I! do I still need to live like this forever? do I still need to live like a kid forever? damn it! it's not that I don't wanna flee this place and go somewhere else. it's just that I really want to be with them while I can! please don't treat me like a kid. coz I'm not. I have proven in any way I can but for the thing you guys have done to me I cannot do anymore to further prove myself! I know being a matured grown up doesn't need to be proven because people can see it by their own eyes. but they chose not to see it. in their eyes I'm forever that small little girl. what am I supposed to do? sigh.

Classical Guitar - Lesson #3

Today was my 3rd lesson.. learned to play chord today, for a beginner it's quite hard to master.. Argh.. my fingertips are quite painful. i can feel the numbness.. but i'm not going to give up easily.. i'm gonna practice and practice and practice =) haha.. i know C chord, Em Chord and G7 Chord but G7 is super hard because my fingers are too short i almost cannot reach the E string.. -.- when my third finger reaches E string, i have to hold my first finger on the first e string which i have to use some energy to do so, the harder i hold my finger on the first the more painful my fingertip is.. but if i didn't hold harder, everything will be out of tone.. it's not really easy..especially when i have to play with a higher tempo.. phew..

加油加油加油！

今天练吉他练得比较频密手指头有点疼〜呵呵这就是效果啊！我就是要这种痛*\(^o^)/* 我会继续努力的！多几个月等家里的事情都安定下来了我就要报名学钢琴。我要把我从小到大的＂想学＂的愿望一一在我还有能力的时候实现！我已经爱上我的吉他了（＾Ｏ＾☆♪ 钢琴当然也是我的挚爱咯〜 虽然还没学但在很久以前我已经爱上钢琴了♪( ´▽｀) 没想到到我这把年纪才来学音乐、呵呵！我会努力了你们也给打打气吧！がんばってください！☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

永远怀念你们！

今天是日本大地震一周年，我在此也祝福那些不幸在此灾难当中牺牲的朋友们。我想大家在有生之年都忘记不了这件事情。。希望他们会安息。永远怀念你们！

Classical Guitar - Lesson #2

Today was my second lesson, I felt great about it but I made many mistakes while playing the melody sounded like I didn't do any practicing. The truth is I did quite regularly! I practice daily but I made mistake on the easiest song! I can't believe that I got nervous in front of the teacher -.- lol.. maybe I just lack of confidence. Never mind of it, I will do better next time it takes time to get perfect. LOL! haha! I'm looking forward for my 3rd lesson already~ Teacher gives me another week to practice the song so that we can duet this time.. Well, the song is really easy to be played, I just scared I'll get nervous and screw up again -.- WELL, I CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN =) がんばってくだい！

What Happens?

I have this serious problem with him, and my mum has this serious problem with him too. It's not as if I didn't attempt to talk to him openly, I just can't. I just can't open upp to him since he was married. I felt that he's a total stranger to me. Sigh. We're brother and sister in half blood, but I don't feel like we are one with connected blood line. What happens to him? What happens to us? What happens to all of us?

Classical Guitar - Lesson #1

Today was my first week of learning guitar! It was really really really really fun! I couldn't find a word to describe how great it was, though I was just learning the most basic thing, I knew I was already into it completely! =) I love it! I love it! I love it so so much! I can't believe! I can't believe that I'm learning guitar now! Haha! Someone please calm me down.. okay.. shooooo.. shan.. just be calm.......... phew..

Am I just too overexcited? Haha.. I'm looking forward to next week already~ half an hour is really fast.. lol..

I need more practicing on remembering the notes and the frets... the notes are sometimes confusing for people like me.. without any music background. but I will put 100% of my effort on it. HAHA.. Well, maybe 95% sparing another 5% to rest XD

这一次我一定要学会！

明天就是我第一天去学吉他老实说我真的有点紧张呢！
其实我真的很怕我学不会可是我应该没有那么笨吧。。。
我这次是很认真的！我一定要学会！！！！！！！！！！！！

My Musical Adventure Begins - Registration

After several months of thinking through it, I've finally come to the decision. Thank to my friend, Charmaine. We drag each other all the way. I know if I didn't do it today, I wouldn't be able to learn guitar anymore because I know I don't have the courage and all that, especially I'm too shy at my age compared to others. I really hope I'll be able to learn well this time. GUITAR! I can't deny that part of my inspiration come from Sung Ha. Haha! But other than this reason, I think buying a guitar is much more cheaper than piano.

So today I got up with the thought that if Charmaine didn't message me, I will just give it up this week. She ended up remember to message me, so I said yes to go. So we went to 3 places and we ended up in YAMAHA musical school.. A place that I never thought that I will step into forever. Charmaine gave me the courage. Am I too old to learn musical instrument? *shrug* Apparently, the clerk told us that we're not the oldest students after all but I really doubt it.. All I saw with my own eyes are teenagers and kids. I guess I am the oldest before Charmaine. LOL. and soooooooooooooo, I finally own a guitar, a cheap one of course. I guess it's for beginner like me but still it cost me few hundred bucks included the fees and all that. RM100 per month.

Actually, I was long to learn a musical instrument when I was a kid but my parents cannot afford it and given the records that I have given up on learning few other skill like ballet.. and damn hell, I really missed ballet so much.. sigh.. that's the thing I regretted the most I guess. Other than that, I really really want to have some special skills before I'm too old to learn =)

So here begins my first ever musical adventure... Registration and guitar purchasing... BTW, it's classical guitar that I will be learning! I'm super nervous, I really don't know how to read notes! and it seems super complicated!

IT gadgets

nobody is living without a smart phone in this 21st century.
9 out of 10 use smart phones and 5 out of 10 own a tablet.
what a revolution.. what if one day all of these gadgets disappear?
i bet human can't really adapt to this new environment.

angpow just flew~

what about angpow when you have already grown up?
not extra money, just a relief for your money bill!
mine for this year is just enough for my phone bill..
'happy' lunar new year.
no more extra money! argh!

啊！不完的 啊！

难道他真的认为那电视是他买的吗？
本想在农历初一不想破解骂人
但是我真的忍不住啦！忍无可忍！
只要有他在的一天我都不能够释怀！
啊！啊！啊！啊！啊！啊！不完的 啊！

Happy Lunar Dragon Year! Roar!

why do i use 'Happy Lunar New Year' instead of 'Happy Chinese New Year'?
well, i was once reminded that 'LUNAR' new year is not only celebrated by Chinese..
it's meant for everybody who uses Lunar Calendar..
So Happy Chinese Lunar New Year! It's Dragon!! Come on DRAGON, let's roar till the end of the world!
we are the dragon!

he watched the tv like non stop.. fuck him!

真的很讨厌他！

他在我家里除了吃饭和看电视还有躲在房里吹冷气之外，他还有什么贡献？一天到晚只会开我买的电视！自己买一架啦。要看就给钱啦~害我不能够随性所欲的看我的电视。我要看电视还要等他看完我才能看！可恶！讨厌死他！原本同情他现在讨厌死他！他在让我一点隐私都没有！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！讨厌！他到底要住到什么时候才甘愿离开！真的很讨厌他！

(Elton John) Your Song - Sungha Jung

i wonder why..

i wonder why dad still wanna sell the house after all.. sigh.. i really don't wish to shift away anymore. it's really tiring to move here and there after all these years. since he decided what can i say?