我快要...

疯掉了。

I feel so dangerous for her.. sigh..

Christmas

Not an officially planned celebration just a girls outing.



















Shan signing off~ Merry Christmas!

Now what? Playing Restaurant City on Christmas?

Fuck!

Harry oh Harry~

Gosh.. I've finished reread the 4 thickest Harry Potter series which is the last 4 books..

Goblet of Fire

Order of the Phoenix

Half-Blood Prince

Deathly Hallows

Faint.. I've finished all of them.. even the thickest one Order of the Phoenix which at fist I didn't think I'd read them again.. >.<>

Everything seems so boring now! Gosh...

Simply hate Christmas this year..

Another boring day

Oh, don't bother bout Christmas.. it's just another boring day..

Phone Contacts

I don't have much contact in my phone..

So, I guess it's a good thing sometimes because I don't get my hand tired when I need to copy them down on a paper to store them physically rather then in phone memory in case I lost my phone because if I did the SIM backup, they'll charge monthly.. so unreasonable for that kind of charge I'd rather copy them down.

You're Not Going To Die Young

Yan, you're not going to die younger than me. Just be strong over it, it's not the end of world for you yet. Don't waste time saying that you're gonna die over something that's still so vague. Just focus on now you know it's more important to live for now than tomorrow. I know it's not easy because I'm not the one who's experiencing this but you gotta be positive and live on. Even if you're going to die tomorrow, you still have your world today. Appreciate it and don't waste time thinking all those rubbishes.. Live to the fullest like you'll never know you'll die. Be strong my dear, everything will be alright. Remember what I said on my sms? think positive and do something meaningful now. Stop crapping around saying that you're gonna die young or what because you don't know the result yet.. My friend's mom had lumps too but it turned out not dangerous.. So, think positive.. even if you really need to go under the surgery, as long as it's not deadly illness, be strong. Please don't say those words already.. you're breaking every heart that loves you. You're going to live long! Promise! Don't leave me alone before I come back. If not, I'll never ever forgive you. I won't talk to you in heaven, I will pretend not knowing you for leaving me when I'm not there.

Don't use Celcom..

I've stopped watching glee for a while because of my stupid internet connection. I'm really mad at it right now.. it's really really really really really slow.. slower than a snail.. sigh.. don't use Celcom Broadband..

FLEE

I suddenly wish that 2011 will be tomorrow..

and February will be tomorrow..

Because I don't wanna stuck here anymore..

Sometimes it really sucks to be stuck..

Please.. I need to flee as soon as I can..

Please...

Please....

Happy Birthday to my Dad!

Sorry Dad :( I forgot..

I know you are not that kind of sentimental Dad,

So, I decided not to wish you Happy Belated Birthday verbally,

just let it heartily k?

If I wish now, I myself feel so insincere.. but

next year! I promise I won't forget to give you a big wish

even if I were miles away from home..

Dad, I always love you..

Bad Sleep A-G-A-I-N

Don't know why I had a bad sleep again.. can't even sleep whole night till around 6 something in the morning then I fell asleep or 7 something maybe.. Then wake early.. sigh.. can't take it anymore..

Ginger

I don't really know why I used to hate ginger so much when I was young.. and how I actually fell in love with ginger just few months ago.. haha... favorite foods will always remain the same but unfavorite food will always change the status once it's cooked right :) but!! there's one and only thing I still hate and unacceptable is celery.. please even the smell makes me faint. I describe it as the smell of petrol.. or maybe raw petroleum if someone smelled it before, though I never but it's really smell like petrol... the taste *__* please... I can't accept lo~

iPhone!!

Sis just called asking me to go search for the phone operator and see which mobile phone I might like and tell her because she wants to buy it when it's cheap enough. Apparently, the phones are very expensive and they have certain phone for certain operator meaning to say that for example, you like this phone in Maxis, but you are using DiGi, you can only use Maxis if you really wanted that phone so badly. SIM card is only compatible for one phone which means, no card switching, my card can't function on your phone =.= so complicated.. =.= sigh.. But I still love iPhone!! :( She said no iPhone coz no one there use iPhone -___- iPhone.. :( I want to use iPhone!! iPhone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! iPhone 4!

Alive Not Dead

I'm alive not dead. I'm back for a while now.. LOL.. Well, it's been 2 months and a few days since my last update.. Didn't know what to write but today I surge to post something :) Well, it's been a month plus since I came back from Hong Kong trip. A very nice country because I fully understand their language *LOL*, but I dislike Hongkies as their impolite attitude is really not the kind that normal people can tolerate. Will be posting up photos and stories of the trip anytime soon :p

Now, gonna talk about my recent up to. Nothing much but I've one newly found interest which is, make up, spent some bucks on cosmetics *_* not really a good thing huh?! haha.. Just wanna learn how to make myself look more attractive but have a lot of problems with my monolids @.@ and then what a great news is that I'm still jobless waiting for a job to search me.. LOL!.. waiting my big plan to come [the plan will not be told till it's fully confirmed, just wait for further update guys ;) ].. sigh.. I wonder what's the latest update as my sis hasn't sent any update to me yet.. I definitely want to find a temporary job but it's kinda hard you know, when you are staying in a small small town like Seremban.. Sigh.. and my parents keep nagging me day and night, not as if I haven't tried to find a job a month ago but I can't really get a suitable one. I think I have to go around to get a look at those part time jobs around Seremban again.. This is the only thing that's troubling me at the moment. Other than that, nothing much from me..

Christmas is coming soon :) An all time favourite festival throughout the year! and then with a blink, we'll officially step from 2010 to 2011, another brand new year, and people will be getting old for another year.. Time changes everything, every place, and everyone. Nothing will stay eternally same, things will eventually worn out, people will eventually leave. So, no ones and nothing afford to waste time because time couldn't be bought.

Treasure every nanosecond that we have now before regretting.

p/s: Now, I'm really pissed off at Celcom Broadband as it's getting worse!! So guys, please don't ever consider Celcom Broadband or switch to other broadband if you can. Don't waste time trying Celcom, not worth it, you'll waste your money.

p/s: i'm still very lost now

sometimes i don't know who i am anymore just like today i don't know what to write anymore. i used to be so lost that i wrote every day to remind myself of something. now, i stop. i thought maybe this way i could have forgotten something that i wanted to forget so desperately. but only then i realized, it's a 01 switch of the light in my mind. i just chose the 0 for a while and when you press it slightly it will turn 1. then, i will clearly see the stuffs that i've put aside for a long long time come into sight. i don't really want to see it but it's there all the time. i literally blind folded myself.

look at the mess i've done above. can you read what i'm trying to convey? do you? because i don't myself. and so, i chose to stop writing for a while from now on and wait for the day i step up my new life. when that day comes i will start to write again and tell you guys the updates.

p/s: i'm still very lost now.

omg.. i started to feel bored.. sigh..

我最憎人地打烂沙盆问到足！

I wanna be an early bird~ lalala

hahaha.. i just woke up :)

i slept really early yesterday (11pm)

hehe... i hope that tonight will be the same again..

you know what? the feeling of getting to sleep early

and wake up early.. is so great...

it has been so long that i never felt this way..

i wanna be an early bird~ lalala

what should i do?

Orz

我讨厌被拒绝的感觉

但我更加讨厌你接受了

却在背后默默的埋怨

这样子更加会令我难受

令我愧疚 为什么要这样子？

如果真的不行 当初就说不行啊！

我不会有怨的 我一样好好的过

现在会比较好吗？

我不觉得如此 反而

一份愧疚感正在天天夜夜

的烦扰着我。。无奈。。

Again

gosh. can't believe another day has just gone like that..

it's not unusual that it was a sleepless night for me again..

i wonder how am i going to survive long in that way. sigh.

i'm not going to sleepless every night.

i need to do something to change my routine..

but how? what can i do to make me sleep on time like before 12

and without waking up at 2 or 3?

i tried to sleepless for a day and the next day i was so tired.

and then at night i slept around 12.. but the thing is.. this

only last for one day.. and then the sleepless thingy comes back the next day

AGAIN!.. is this a sickness or what.. i really really can't get into sleep early..

am i thinking too much or what.. mentally? but how to stop that?

i have a strong determination to stop it but still can't..

what happens to me? sigh.. all i want is sleep early.

is that too much to ask for? why me?

dislike

dislike means dislike..

i dislike people touch my thing means

i dislike people touch my thing..

so don't touch my things especially my

phone and computer.. unless you are

PERMITTED! or my parents, my boyfriend or my closest buddies

otherwise just back off!

people need privacy..

My VVVVV............IP

I love my mummy and papa :)
Believe it or not they are just out to work and I miss them already.
Mum, Papa thank you so much.
I know even the whole world ban me and fail me, you two will still be my biggest fans.
No one will ever love like you both do. And so do I :)
Always love you two.
My beloved parents.

i miss home already..

Like Forever

i wish that deadline will come soon.

because i can't wait to leave.

like forever.

might be leaving..

am i looking forward or

am i holding back by

the people i love and care?

sigh..

I so regretted to buy the circle cutter for that price... sigh..

I think I can cut better by hand.. sigh.. T.T

hate it when I bought something that's so disappointing..

coz it's just a waste of my sweaty bloody money..

Church

4 years ago, i tried to start going to church.

at first, i thought it was something really cool going to church.

meanwhile, i was trying to find a new path

because heard that people can always have fun joining church activity

and they found God and then they are saved.

isn't it sounds like a good and attractive promotion?

but guess what, to tell you the truth is that promotion

does not really apply to everyone who tries to accept it.

at least i'm one of them.

i tried really hard to understand them. i mean,

i was not going permanently weekly but at least,

i used to accept lesson from a group of fellows who

tried to kind of 'brainwash' me.. sorry that i have to use that word.

because that's what i thought of each time they gave me the lesson.

i still remember some detail, one of the scene was

when the fellow told me that we are vessels and God will fill in

and to let God fills us it's pretty easy you just have to call out

His name out loud when needed.. 'Lord Jesus.. Lord Jesus'

and that was the time i felt something wrong with me.

and that was the time i know i don't belong to this particular church.

because God didn't fill me that day i bet He never wanted to.

before that i tried another chance going to my friend's church concert.

well, he invited and i kinda have a crush on him but it was a really short one

because i know he's not my cup of tea after all and i'm not his though.

but another problem is that, i didn't really feel like being in a church (it's a baptist church)

all i saw was that church really gave me a big commercially impression.

it's more like a product that you can rate it as a branded one. you know what i mean.

and after that i started follow my another friend to catholic church.

i have to say that it was totally different.. from all those protestant church

honestly, i didn't know why i was going there.

and frankly, the church gave me big pressure.. i don't know why.

i just can't stand if i have to stand alone in there as if everybody

was going to look at me and give weird expression.

so, that was my church experience and i never go to church ever since.

because i know no matter how, their God won't fill me and i'm not a vessel of their God.

..

i wonder who she is..

Duh!

Why do people keep on asking the same question over and over again? E.g. Have you found a job? Are you working now? Why don't want to work? Lol!

Shan

Convocation

This is one of those. More to come=) in the hall waiting our turns for the scrolls :( waited so long! >3<






Shan

Testing

Testing

Shan

寂寞

好寂寞哦。。

Convocation

tomorrow is my convocation.

finally.. 4 years of uni life.. さよなら!

sigh! the lost of that life probably makes me feel so lost too.

frankly, i miss those life. my schooling life.

but now everything is engraved.

tomorrow is my convocation.

my square mortarboard is awaiting.

i'm afraid. afraid of this is the end of everything.

tomorrow is my convocation.

a glimpse of horror

have you ever dreamed of the way you die?

just one look.. i think it's good if i died off the way i dream of.

at least, i know what leads me to that place.

in that way, i can't leave peacefully rather than fearfully.

sometimes, a glimpse of horror might change your mindset.

shut and close!

hating those who pretend they knew everything..

who show off every single thing they have in life..

oh my goddamnhell! can't they just shut up and close up?

that's fucking annoying!

我要反胃！

我希望我能够

每天想你

想到有一天

我想起你都觉得

反胃！

那么我以后就不用想你了

爷爷，我毕业了

致在天国的爷爷：

虽然你不可能会看到

但我希望你能听到我现在所说的

爷爷～我毕业了

很可惜你等不到

我想你

金钱

有时候我真的很讨厌金钱的存在

因为它总是把人与人之间的关系

给搞砸

就算是亲情也会因它而破灭。。

我遇到了难题

虽然我在之前的文章题过了不再抱怨生活了

可是我们到底是为了什么而活？

这不算是抱怨吧？只是一个难题。。

一句话的点燃，我等很久了

刘伟说：“我的人生只有两题路，要么赶紧死，要么精彩地活着。”

真没想到一鸣惊人

他这句话真的是深深地打动了我

他这样也能那么努力的创造奇迹

让我流泪了

也让我看到自己

有多么的没用 多么的颓废

我那么健全却没有他十分之一的好

我看见他，在心底我呐喊了

我呼叫了 我很想见到 所谓创造人的神

我要问为什么你要那么的不公平

我也开始讨厌自己每天对生活抱怨

然而我又在想

如果当初刘伟没有失去双臂

今天他又会是个怎样的人呢？

我想神一定有他的理由吧

每天觉得自己有多痛苦

那全部都是不应该的

因为我一点都不惨

我没有什么好抱怨的了

老天爷真的真的非常疼我了

是不是我前世修来的福呀？

您别在偏心我们这些幸福的孩子了

多多关注不幸的孩子吧

我偶尔会诉诉苦不会在怨了

只不过是失去爱情罢了有什么了不起的吗？

更何况我的又不是什么惊天动地的爱情

不过是被一个不爱我不珍惜我的人抛弃而已

我还有很多更重要的事呢

终于都想通了吧？

可能打从心底早就想开了

只是没有勇气去承认罢了

现在松多了

如果我还爱你 我会继续默默地爱着你

如果我还想你 我也会继续地想你

不管如何我们已经是朋友这是无法改变的事实

不过我知道尽管何时我还是会为你奋不顾身

就将这份割舍不掉也送不出去的爱意

永远永远的埋葬在我心的最低最低吧~

人总需要经过磨炼才能成才

再过两个月我就要从新站起来

就算没有人生目标的人生并不代表我的人生不是人生！