One Word of the Day: Sad

I used to blog really really long... at least 3 full paragraphs. Back then I was still young. I had a lot of thoughts, ideas, complaints and laughters too. Now, when I grow up day by day, I realized things have changed. It changed to something that I almost forget how they were used to be. Maybe, they didn't change. Maybe, I manipulated them after so many years of being a teen and slowly turned into an adult like what I am now. Seriously, I doubt that I like who I am now. Then I learnt after so many years, sometimes one word tells everything.

I have a complicated family background (at least quite). I used to be so lonely.. Sometimes, I was not happy of who I was. That little introvert that you won't see anymore.. That little introvert who used to cry every night in the corner scared of the her parents will vanish the next day. The little introvert who didn't talk to any stranger, not even the waitress. The little introvert who liked to stay at home all day long, all week long, all month, basically all the time.

Not to say really happy but at least she had no problems to think of. Not like me. I tasted the real happiness given by someone and was taken away in a really short period.. It didn't last long. That made me tasted the bitterness and sadness of life too.. Don't get me wrong.. Though my story is not the baddest in the world, it's really sad for me. Sadness is not be able to measure after all. With this story, I totally don't feel pity but I'm just sad and I just can't get happy for now. I just don't know why.

Or maybe I guess it's because I lack of the confidence. The confidence to trust again in happiness.. I'm scared. I'm scared that once happiness fall on me, it will leave the very next moment. I don't want it to be because the taste of sadness is so bad till you can die for. But I'm still craving for happiness madly. I missed the short period of that life but I'd rather never have it because if I didn't, I won't know what's sadness yet.

Do you see the point of the whole journal? One word tells them all.. Sad. Putting it into a proper sentence, I'm sad. That's all I want to say. That's my one word of this journal.