我到底是怎么了?

我发现我见他越多 就越想要见他
惨了 老毛病又犯了
明明知道是不可能 还去想
这就是笨的行为

有什么不再去想他的做法?

세상에

세상에 할수없는 일이 없지?

恋爱

太久没有恋爱了
我已经忘记恋爱到底是怎么样的感觉了
我单身4年了
这些年都有过很多喜欢的人
但是一直没有勇气去追求
思想保守的我总觉得应该是男人追女人
最近也有但是我压制自己不要太在意
因为已经知道对方不可能喜欢自己的
所以目前为止都保持心平气和的假状态
有时候也会想如果真的一辈子一个人
那我该怎么办呢
虽然嘴里每天挂着我不想谈恋爱我不要结婚
心里却为自己担心
那现在我该怎么办？

Why me?

Why me? Why must I be alone again and again and again.. just when I thought I have some little hope and the little hope was gone within 1 day.. I just wanna love and be loved.... why me again? Why treat me like this? Want me to be empty forever huh? How long must I endure this loneliness?  It's been 4 years....! Enough!!

monday blues

hi guys~ it's monday again.. if i got the chance to own a company somehow i will think of a way to kill my staff's monday blues.. lol.. hmm.. ya.. it blues as usual.

this morning wasn't a good day, public transport sucked this morning.. sigh. the only thing i resented coming to work this far is public transport..waiting for it and stuck in the crowd.. i hate crowd.. but every point i stop to wait for my train is indeed very crowded.

我觉得我自己最近越来越懒散了..好像越来越讨厌工作..天啊我还要做多少年才会得到真正的休息时间..人就是这样有事没事都在埋怨生活 :(

hello friends.. this is my first update in year 2013 it took me 6 months to write again.. that's probably because i haven't had things enough to be complained about.. but today i suddenly felt so emo about the coming back of my brother from uk.. i just can't live with anyone except myself i guess... i felt it's like an invasion to me.. sigh.. sorry but this is the real me.. too bad... and i have to bear with it... :(

这几天心情真的真的非常低落就连我自己都想要动手打醒自己了但怎么办呢我就是开心不起来.. 不开心的往事一直浮现在我脑海里不断的折磨我..虽然并不是什么惨事但总以让我心痛流泪.. 这一切都是她害的如果不是两年前她阻挡我的决定不是因为她说要帮我今天的我也许就不需要觉得心痛了.. 就是因为她我的留学梦碎了.. 就算没钱去也听她说割舍卖车去留学早已该想到这一切都是谎言吧.. 都是因为她.. 我今天才烦恼车的问题.. 都是因为她我却要辛苦多5年.. 我真的很心痛对她真的真的彻底死心了..就算事后她也根本没有主动打給我或写信给我解释过什么..我还傻傻的.. 到今时今日我对她死心是为了我9岁那年她答应要买一个可爱的手提包给我结果我等了一晚都没有出现 ; 是为了当天说要回马让我哥我妈和我三个像傻瓜一样在机场等了她一个晚上却没有出现 ; 是为了在3年前她回马说要见面害我等了几天却连电话都没有给我 ; 是为了去年她说要回马接我去日本却又再次没有出现见没有通知 ; 是为了我没有了车子留学日本去不成却连钱也拿不回 ; 是为了说好了要去台湾却一声不响又去不成... 都是因为这些多多的原因我要发誓我再也再也不回也不要再相信她了因为我不想真的不想再失望了... 我的日本留学梦彻底破碎因此我觉得我人生再也没有任何值得我去追寻的目标了.. 我真的真的很想去那里或任何一个其他的国家留学我真的很想体会一下那种感觉结果就是因为一个爱骗人的人害惨而去不成我真的真的真的很不甘心.. 我真的不甘心.. 永远都会有遗憾永远都会因为这个感觉不快乐.. 她就是我'亲爱'的姐姐.. 希望下一辈子不要在当姐妹生生世世都不要.. 我上辈子欠你的已经还清了..我李玉珊再也不欠你什么反而你现在欠我的却很多... 你可以还我的方式就是和我一起祈祷说接下来的生生世世我们不当姐妹不当家人我们只当陌生人彼此不认识会比较好... 就这样彼此不认识更好.. 

guitar is tougher at each stage even beginner lesson.. lotsa notes and notes and place have to kind of memorize not smartly but heartedly =) even so, it doesn't cross me to stop learning it so far.. i knew the moment i bought the guitar i'm in love with it.. guess my fee's going to increase next month >.< luckily now my pay is slightly higher.. with the DSLR i still need to pay monthly instalment =p so which means i have quite a lot to spend on.. but i watch it carefully to make sure i won't overspend. so far i didn't just overbudget because i normally plan to save more money so that i won't easily overspend. with new fee (around 125) camera (around 105) that's almost the same as my ktm fare last time!! lol i'd rather pay for these XD looking forward for confirmation to get a salary adjustment~~~

New DSLR CANON EOS 600D!!

finally! i got my own DSLR!!! =) finally!!! bought 600D... should have bought 650D instead but nevermind la.. just a few features like touchscreen and slightly slower but just a beginner guess it won't affect my much and few hundred bucks cheaper and better lens, worth it right?? =)

幸福的真谛是什么？

我知道幸福不是必然
但是我偏偏没有学会去追逐我的幸福
反而每次选择放弃然后逃避
到最后却搞得自己遍体鳞伤
幸福到底是什么？

寂寞的碎碎念

是不是像我这种强悍的女人就没人爱啊？
因为就算没人爱我也很坚强所以都把男人给吓跑了 o.O
虽然单身是好但有时还是会寂寞
真不知道再次谈恋爱的时候会怎样
太久没谈大概会很不自在吧 >.<

What can I do to help?

Recently I have friend who broke up with her 7 years boyfriend. It sounds sad but that's the reality that she needs to face. Her current condition is just like I used to experience.. I feel sorry for her. All that I can do is to talk with her, listen to her and comfort her a little but other than that it's all up to her.. No one can heal her but time and herself. All I see in her all reflected myself 2 years ago.. How silly I was not accepting any kind of advice from my friends but now I know they were right about me. Time heals everything. I wish her all the best. I will do whatever that can help..

爸爸的心声

今天爸爸和我说心事。听了之后我才发现爸爸原来很爱妈妈因为爸爸很疼妈妈，就算自己受委屈也往肚子里吞。然后就觉得妈妈很自私！我妈妈表面上会替我们想但实际上她很多时候只替自己想只是看她打麻将就知道了。她可以为了打麻将忘记了一个妈妈和一个母亲的责任，这个让我最最接收不到。最可恶的是她还要倒反过来责怪我们。很多时候对着他我真的无话可说。妈妈对她自己亲生的儿女特别疼爱，但是除了我之外她很偏心她他别疼大哥哥。在她眼里无论他做了什么就算不对也是对的。妈妈只想到自己的儿子女儿但从来没有想过爸爸的儿女，还天天煽风点火间接离间他们之间的感情。虽然他们当中有两个人没有对我妈妈好但是毕竟也是后母，难道全天下的后母都是这样吗？当初生活很贫困的时候大哥哥在中国因为没有工作所以整天想我们借钱，接了没有还。爸爸今天告诉我去年向他借钱妈妈却逼爸爸还。爸爸觉得很心痛因为他觉得为什么人家借了他的钱就不用还但是向这位借钱不还钱的人借钱却要还。而且爸爸最最心痛的是当爸爸想要那一笔钱出来帮助他现在有难的儿子的时候妈妈却一脸不欢喜，这一点令我爸爸很伤心因为他觉得他是应分帮自己的儿子却无能为力没有应分帮别人的儿子却一点都没有帮少。很可笑吧？由于很自己的儿女疏远了甚至没有联络，爸爸就只剩我一个了。突然觉得爸爸很孤单所以我一定要住在家里。我很爱妈妈也很爱爸爸但当我今天听了爸爸的心事后我就觉得妈妈对于整件有连接的事情都很不公平而且非常的自私。我当然就是那个从小到大左右为难的人了~

人每天都会有可能遇到匪夷所思的事情

但在众多的匪夷所思

哪一件是最让你忘不了呢？

我的匪夷所思就是我的一期一会

心碎但许许多多的情节都让我难以忘怀~

not this but that..

"i am just an extra piece of this old set of jigsaw puzzle,

but i never give in, because i still have that set to fit into it perfectly"

i am just an extra piece of this old set of jigsaw puzzle. this jigsaw puzzle is my old friends and that extra piece is me. i don't know how to begin but i felt like i don't belong to their world anymore or maybe they don't belong to my world anymore. wait.. or should i put it this way? we don't really belong to each other world ever since we met? 

for a long time, i tried to fit into that world which is not my world. i tried hard but it didn't work out. just like that extra piece, i don't really fit into this set.. because that set is full and perfect but without that extra piece this completed set still look perfectly nice. 

how do you know you don't fit in? time proves everything. almost everything. one day, you will know what i mean. even so, i never give in, i might not fit into this set but i still have that set to fit in perfectly.

不是一个人的人是永远都不会懂一个人孤单的滋味..

快乐分享

又被我看见了。

每次看见外劳

为了赚钱养家

我的心就自然的酸起来

那种无法形容的心酸

也可能因为我看见

他们不被本地人加纳的关系吧

大部分的我们都视他们为犯罪者

但你看看，再仔细看看

事实真的像认为那样吗？

我希望人不分等级

大家都是人

应该受到公平的待遇

为什么有些人就得挨饿

有得人大鱼大肉？

想了又想应该只有一个原因

就是金钱

不是因为钱人就不会有什么区别

不是因为钱人都是好人

有谁出生就是坏人？

全都是环境造成的后遗症

我虽然讨厌坏人但我也相信

不是全部人都存心变坏

就像一颗种子；

开始你把它埋了

它发芽了但却没人

好好的栽培它

没人浇水没人施肥

更没人爱它

到最后它只会

营养不良，蛀虫，

直到干死。

我讨厌金钱

因为它人无法自由自在的生活

永远永远都是钱奴

不过我还是需要钱

所以我永远都不能够过

我想过的自由自在

为什么人不可以像

很久很久以前那样

快乐分享呢？

真贪心。

自由天堂

今天去见工面试

一大早穿上看起来

最专业的‘制服’

突然觉得自己很上班族

而且觉得身上多了一把无形枷锁

感觉很不自己加点恐怖再加点抗拒

可是我知道我没有那个资格抗拒

也承担不起这种抗拒

面完试后我立刻跑到公厕

换便服

在卸下这‘浓妆’时

我突然感觉到自由

即刻松了口气

我突然很害怕那把很重无形的枷锁

我害怕我扛不起

因为我发现一直以来我想向往的

是自由自在的生活

我希望去一个钱不存在的星球

那样我就不必为前当奴隶了

那里就是我的自由天堂~

Some people they only want you when they need you..

including me?

孤单

很想找个人倾倾心事

可是却找不到一个适合的人

难道我注定要孤独一辈子吗？