點解我唔諗嘅时候你要俾我 俾咗我又要捰返 你係唔係玩我呀?

One Word of the Day: Sad

I used to blog really really long... at least 3 full paragraphs. Back then I was still young. I had a lot of thoughts, ideas, complaints and laughters too. Now, when I grow up day by day, I realized things have changed. It changed to something that I almost forget how they were used to be. Maybe, they didn't change. Maybe, I manipulated them after so many years of being a teen and slowly turned into an adult like what I am now. Seriously, I doubt that I like who I am now. Then I learnt after so many years, sometimes one word tells everything.

I have a complicated family background (at least quite). I used to be so lonely.. Sometimes, I was not happy of who I was. That little introvert that you won't see anymore.. That little introvert who used to cry every night in the corner scared of the her parents will vanish the next day. The little introvert who didn't talk to any stranger, not even the waitress. The little introvert who liked to stay at home all day long, all week long, all month, basically all the time.

Not to say really happy but at least she had no problems to think of. Not like me. I tasted the real happiness given by someone and was taken away in a really short period.. It didn't last long. That made me tasted the bitterness and sadness of life too.. Don't get me wrong.. Though my story is not the baddest in the world, it's really sad for me. Sadness is not be able to measure after all. With this story, I totally don't feel pity but I'm just sad and I just can't get happy for now. I just don't know why.

Or maybe I guess it's because I lack of the confidence. The confidence to trust again in happiness.. I'm scared. I'm scared that once happiness fall on me, it will leave the very next moment. I don't want it to be because the taste of sadness is so bad till you can die for. But I'm still craving for happiness madly. I missed the short period of that life but I'd rather never have it because if I didn't, I won't know what's sadness yet.

Do you see the point of the whole journal? One word tells them all.. Sad. Putting it into a proper sentence, I'm sad. That's all I want to say. That's my one word of this journal.

Finishing soon!

Damn! My Absolut Kurant is going to finish!!
:(

Absolut-ly High

I love Absolut with lemonade :)

Get me drunk please!

Say No to Love

It's hurt to see my brother being hurt..

again..

Sigh..

Why do we have to always being hurt?

When he asked me 'Are you happy now?'

I know at that moment his life is gone

just like the people like us...

I know no matter how much he acted normal

in front of my mother, he is in pain deep inside..

Sigh..

What a world..

Life is unfair.. I learnt that since then..

Now, I'm sad that one more person get to know this..

Now, for him, life is nothing but a piece of shit..

Pathetic..

How much efforts we see him putting on all this..

But all he got is all the shit..

Sometimes, love can be this killing...

Can be really painful..

Drunken

Sometimes it's good to get half drunk, quarter drunk... or

even totally drunk... even though problems would still remain the same

after you awake.. but.. at least you can enjoy few hours of fake happiness..

Maybe these few hours can change your life.. :)

So, sometimes, I do love getting drunk :)

p/s: Enjoying my Absolut Kurant with Lime Juice... :D

Thread of Happiness

It's just a thread away from sadness to happiness.. you'll have to see whether you have the courage to cross over that thread with 1 millimeter of diameter. And if you have the guts to cross over it, it means it's over and don't ever look back because happiness is awaiting you..

Not even a detour

There's no direction yet..

I'm wondering what'll happen

in my life next..

Now, I'm graduated..

People have plans around..

They desperately looking for a job now..

But me, I don't even have an intention

to start my resume.

And now, am sitting here

doing some crappy stuffs to fulfill my

plenty of time.

Am sitting here with thoughts wandering

with stuffs totally useless and unimportant.

Sigh.. This is it? This is me?

Useless? and hopeless?

I'm very tired now.. Sigh

mentally.. Stop thinking?

but how?

I'm going off to die soon..