My first post in year 2014. Well, nothing much just a place to complain. Even though it seems like I'm talking to myself but who else will be listening if not myself. Life is hard.. really hard for me.. and it's getting harder. I have been working so hard to earn money to save money but still life is not easy. No one can help me. I'm trying my best to get a better job in term of paying me higher but no one sees my potential. I'm so tired. So tired of trying to live. This is a cruel world. I have 8 siblings excluding myself but what is the use. No one can share my pain. They don't know how hard I support this family. It's so unfair to me. Life is unfair. I don't have money! Where all my money is gone... There is big black hole suck up all my money. BIG BIG HOLE!.. This house this car these parents. Of course it's my responsibility to take care of them. but i'm so tired. because it's not supposed to be only me. But why..? why only me??? if it's not them i won't be so stress out. my father why can't he just stop saying about travelling.. what on earth is he thinking. We don't have money! don't have!! but why still thinking of going to travel.. sigh.. for god sake. my mum she got money now.. her son gave her money but she is gonna keep quiet.. and i have to keep quiet.. I keep on paying on my father credit card nowadays.. Trying to clear their debts but myself is full of debts.. so tiring. this life is so tiring. i don't even dare to spend anything for months.. and when i do i feel so guilty.. every time when i think i'm safe this month i should be able to spend some for myself.. but suddenly poof.. some other issues pump in... it's like a black hole.. i feel so stressed... i wish i could born in a rich family for once in my life........ God...

最近身体好像怪怪的。。一直觉得会晕过去。到底是那里不对经了呢?

这么久了我应该学会等待和期待是错误的想法。为什么还让自己那么难堪那么辛苦那么可怜?

我从来没有见过像她那样淫荡的人。。她明明就很早就走了但还能和他一起走。。哇。。算了这八婆 我斗不过

当你觉得你已经不想和任何人说话了 你是谁的问题呢？

怀疑

我已经开始怀疑 我的决定是否对。。。。

好像反应不太理想 :/

我到底是怎么了?

我发现我见他越多 就越想要见他
惨了 老毛病又犯了
明明知道是不可能 还去想
这就是笨的行为

有什么不再去想他的做法?

세상에

세상에 할수없는 일이 없지?

恋爱

太久没有恋爱了
我已经忘记恋爱到底是怎么样的感觉了
我单身4年了
这些年都有过很多喜欢的人
但是一直没有勇气去追求
思想保守的我总觉得应该是男人追女人
最近也有但是我压制自己不要太在意
因为已经知道对方不可能喜欢自己的
所以目前为止都保持心平气和的假状态
有时候也会想如果真的一辈子一个人
那我该怎么办呢
虽然嘴里每天挂着我不想谈恋爱我不要结婚
心里却为自己担心
那现在我该怎么办？

我可能会害到他电话部分数据消失掉真的抱歉我真的不知道会这样 不懂还装懂 我真笨! 该死的我!

Why me?

Why me? Why must I be alone again and again and again.. just when I thought I have some little hope and the little hope was gone within 1 day.. I just wanna love and be loved.... why me again? Why treat me like this? Want me to be empty forever huh? How long must I endure this loneliness?  It's been 4 years....! Enough!!

职场如战场

老板始终是老板外面看起来有多仁慈，门面功夫做得有多好终究会露出狐狸尾巴。要发飙的时候

所以说在职场上最好不要轻易相信人不然突然被捅一刀都不知道发生什么事情到时连自救的机会都没有了。

以前都不觉得职场如战场，现在慢慢开始可以领会到了。尤其是直属上司是大老板，真的不好做。。。

Escape From Camp 14 by Blaine Harden

This is a story of a man who have truly had a will of freedom more than anyone else in the world.

Shin was born in a slave labor camp located in North Korea known as Kaechon Internment Camp a.k.a. Camp 14. This camp acts as a prison for political prisoners usually will be caught along with family members i.e. wife, kids, parents, and siblings. The imprisonment in Camp 14 is a life sentence which means one has to work until they die in the prison and no chance of release.

He was born to an arranged marriage of two prisoners as a reward of doing good deed in the camp and were allowed to sleep together few times in a year. He seldom saw his father as he's place in another area of the camp to work and he had no affection to his mother. Shin saw everyone in the camp as a food competitor due to the insufficiency of food supplies included his mother.

At the age of 14, Shin betrayed his mother and brother who planned to escape the camp in order to get more reward from the guards. As a result caused the execution of his mother and brother. In return, Shin didn't get any reward but punishment as his father and he were suspected to be involved in the escape plan. He was tortured by the guards in order to extract more information about the escape plan. At the underground cell, he met a guy who was being named by Shin as uncle. It was uncle who let Shin knew about love and care. If it was not uncle, Shin would have been dead in the cell.

On the day he was released, he was brought to witness his mother and brother's execution but he ever felt guilty at that moment as he truly believed that they deserved to die because of their silly plan resulted him to being tortured. But it took years for him to feel the guilt and haunt him for life.

Part of Shin's middle finger were cut off by his supervisor as a punishment for accidentally breaking a sewing machine. While he was working in the textile factory, he befriend a middle age man named Park. Park often told Shin about how good was the world outside the electrical fence. Park also told him about China, South Korea and food that he had never experienced before. All he had for food in the camp was soupy gruel of cabbage, corn and salt, sometimes rats and insects he caught around the came.

The desire of freedom and food as much as he wanted at the outside world made Shin decided to attempt an escape together with Park. On January 2, 2005, Shin and Park finally made their attempt to escape when they were assigned a task near the fence. Park attempted to go through the fence first but failed, as a result was electrocuted by the high voltage fence. Shin managed to pass through the fence with the shield of Park's body but his legs were injured by the fence.

Shin was able to bribe North Korean border guards with food and cigarettes to enter China. After he spent some time as a laborer in different parts of China, Shin was accidentally discovered by a journalist who brought Shin to the South Korean embassy for asylum, and from there Shin finally able to travelled to South Korea. In South Korea, he underwent extensive questioning from authorities to determine if he was a Noth Korean assassin or spy. Afterwards, Shin's story was broadcast by the press and he published a Korean language memoir. He later moved to southern California in the United States and worked for Liberty in North Korea (LiNK), a non-profit organization that raises awareness of human rights issues in North Korea and provides aid to North Korean refugees. Shin then moved back to South Korea, where he campaigns for the eradication of the North Korean prison camps.

This is the first non-fiction book I have ever finished so far.. After I finished this book, it made me realized even more of the importance of life. We should be appreciate of every single thing we have in life.

P/S: Actu

monday blues

hi guys~ it's monday again.. if i got the chance to own a company somehow i will think of a way to kill my staff's monday blues.. lol.. hmm.. ya.. it blues as usual.

this morning wasn't a good day, public transport sucked this morning.. sigh. the only thing i resented coming to work this far is public transport..waiting for it and stuck in the crowd.. i hate crowd.. but every point i stop to wait for my train is indeed very crowded.

我觉得我自己最近越来越懒散了..好像越来越讨厌工作..天啊我还要做多少年才会得到真正的休息时间..人就是这样有事没事都在埋怨生活 :(

iPad mini

Hello peeps! Posting this using my new iPad mini by my brother :) after 15 years I got my birthday present from him :D haha that's because I asked...

I wonder I come to office to work or to blog.. Why am I so free? Fun-less

The Storyteller by Jodi Picoult

What is right? What is wrong? And who am I to judge?

After reading this book makes me question myself of this. This story is about a survivor of The Holocaust and an ex-Nazi.

Part I starts with Sage Singer narrates about why she went to the grief group and how she started to work in Mary's bakery shop in New Hampshire. She met Josef Weber at the grief group. After they eventually became friends, Josef asked Sage to help him die. Reason, he was a Nazi SS guard during The World War II.

Struggling whether to help Josef because Sage's grandmother, Minka is a Holocaust survivor. She finally seeks from the local authority which directed her to FBI and she ended up to the Department of Justice with Leo Stein.

Sage also learned that Josef Weber real name is Reiner Hartmann. Bits by bits he reveals his life as a Nazi SS guard to Sage, how he transferred to Auschwitz concentration camp where Minka used to be. Thinking of the possibility of Minka was being tortured by Josef makes Sage sick.

Part II is where Minka opens up her heart and finally tell the story she has kept for half the century to Sage and Leo. She chose not to tell the story was because she did not want the pain she feels pass on to her love ones.

On the other hand, love blossoms between Sage and Leo but Sage already has a boyfriend, Adam whom is a married man with two kids.

Has Josef and Minka met in the camp? Will Sage help Josef die? What will happen to Sage, Leo and Adam?

I will rate this book a 4.5 out of 5. Jodi did a good work this time. All the details she provided is not just fiction but facts. The way she puts everything together has the power to make people believe that her characters are all real. I'm not a history lover but after reading The Storyteller, I'm digging everything about Nazi and Holocaust. Folks! This is really worth reading. Please go and get one copy of this book if you love to read like me :)

hello friends.. this is my first update in year 2013 it took me 6 months to write again.. that's probably because i haven't had things enough to be complained about.. but today i suddenly felt so emo about the coming back of my brother from uk.. i just can't live with anyone except myself i guess... i felt it's like an invasion to me.. sigh.. sorry but this is the real me.. too bad... and i have to bear with it... :(

这几天心情真的真的非常低落就连我自己都想要动手打醒自己了但怎么办呢我就是开心不起来.. 不开心的往事一直浮现在我脑海里不断的折磨我..虽然并不是什么惨事但总以让我心痛流泪.. 这一切都是她害的如果不是两年前她阻挡我的决定不是因为她说要帮我今天的我也许就不需要觉得心痛了.. 就是因为她我的留学梦碎了.. 就算没钱去也听她说割舍卖车去留学早已该想到这一切都是谎言吧.. 都是因为她.. 我今天才烦恼车的问题.. 都是因为她我却要辛苦多5年.. 我真的很心痛对她真的真的彻底死心了..就算事后她也根本没有主动打給我或写信给我解释过什么..我还傻傻的.. 到今时今日我对她死心是为了我9岁那年她答应要买一个可爱的手提包给我结果我等了一晚都没有出现 ; 是为了当天说要回马让我哥我妈和我三个像傻瓜一样在机场等了她一个晚上却没有出现 ; 是为了在3年前她回马说要见面害我等了几天却连电话都没有给我 ; 是为了去年她说要回马接我去日本却又再次没有出现见没有通知 ; 是为了我没有了车子留学日本去不成却连钱也拿不回 ; 是为了说好了要去台湾却一声不响又去不成... 都是因为这些多多的原因我要发誓我再也再也不回也不要再相信她了因为我不想真的不想再失望了... 我的日本留学梦彻底破碎因此我觉得我人生再也没有任何值得我去追寻的目标了.. 我真的真的很想去那里或任何一个其他的国家留学我真的很想体会一下那种感觉结果就是因为一个爱骗人的人害惨而去不成我真的真的真的很不甘心.. 我真的不甘心.. 永远都会有遗憾永远都会因为这个感觉不快乐.. 她就是我'亲爱'的姐姐.. 希望下一辈子不要在当姐妹生生世世都不要.. 我上辈子欠你的已经还清了..我李玉珊再也不欠你什么反而你现在欠我的却很多... 你可以还我的方式就是和我一起祈祷说接下来的生生世世我们不当姐妹不当家人我们只当陌生人彼此不认识会比较好... 就这样彼此不认识更好.. 

=(

Am I really that bad? Am I? Fee is not rising and I'm still using the same fundamental book.. Haven't been told to change yet.. which means I play badly during class.. sigh.. =(