My first post in year 2014. Well, nothing much just a place to complain. Even though it seems like I'm talking to myself but who else will be listening if not myself. Life is hard.. really hard for me.. and it's getting harder. I have been working so hard to earn money to save money but still life is not easy. No one can help me. I'm trying my best to get a better job in term of paying me higher but no one sees my potential. I'm so tired. So tired of trying to live. This is a cruel world. I have 8 siblings excluding myself but what is the use. No one can share my pain. They don't know how hard I support this family. It's so unfair to me. Life is unfair. I don't have money! Where all my money is gone... There is big black hole suck up all my money. BIG BIG HOLE!.. This house this car these parents. Of course it's my responsibility to take care of them. but i'm so tired. because it's not supposed to be only me. But why..? why only me??? if it's not them i won't be so stress out. my father why can't he just stop saying about travelling.. what on earth is he thinking. We don't have money! don't have!! but why still thinking of going to travel.. sigh.. for god sake. my mum she got money now.. her son gave her money but she is gonna keep quiet.. and i have to keep quiet.. I keep on paying on my father credit card nowadays.. Trying to clear their debts but myself is full of debts.. so tiring. this life is so tiring. i don't even dare to spend anything for months.. and when i do i feel so guilty.. every time when i think i'm safe this month i should be able to spend some for myself.. but suddenly poof.. some other issues pump in... it's like a black hole.. i feel so stressed... i wish i could born in a rich family for once in my life........ God...

最近身体好像怪怪的。。一直觉得会晕过去。到底是那里不对经了呢?

这么久了我应该学会等待和期待是错误的想法。为什么还让自己那么难堪那么辛苦那么可怜?

我从来没有见过像她那样淫荡的人。。她明明就很早就走了但还能和他一起走。。哇。。算了这八婆 我斗不过

当你觉得你已经不想和任何人说话了 你是谁的问题呢？

怀疑

我已经开始怀疑 我的决定是否对。。。。

好像反应不太理想 :/

我到底是怎么了?

我发现我见他越多 就越想要见他
惨了 老毛病又犯了
明明知道是不可能 还去想
这就是笨的行为

有什么不再去想他的做法?