Like Forever

i wish that deadline will come soon.

because i can't wait to leave.

like forever.

might be leaving..

am i looking forward or

am i holding back by

the people i love and care?

sigh..

I so regretted to buy the circle cutter for that price... sigh..

I think I can cut better by hand.. sigh.. T.T

hate it when I bought something that's so disappointing..

coz it's just a waste of my sweaty bloody money..

Church

4 years ago, i tried to start going to church.

at first, i thought it was something really cool going to church.

meanwhile, i was trying to find a new path

because heard that people can always have fun joining church activity

and they found God and then they are saved.

isn't it sounds like a good and attractive promotion?

but guess what, to tell you the truth is that promotion

does not really apply to everyone who tries to accept it.

at least i'm one of them.

i tried really hard to understand them. i mean,

i was not going permanently weekly but at least,

i used to accept lesson from a group of fellows who

tried to kind of 'brainwash' me.. sorry that i have to use that word.

because that's what i thought of each time they gave me the lesson.

i still remember some detail, one of the scene was

when the fellow told me that we are vessels and God will fill in

and to let God fills us it's pretty easy you just have to call out

His name out loud when needed.. 'Lord Jesus.. Lord Jesus'

and that was the time i felt something wrong with me.

and that was the time i know i don't belong to this particular church.

because God didn't fill me that day i bet He never wanted to.

before that i tried another chance going to my friend's church concert.

well, he invited and i kinda have a crush on him but it was a really short one

because i know he's not my cup of tea after all and i'm not his though.

but another problem is that, i didn't really feel like being in a church (it's a baptist church)

all i saw was that church really gave me a big commercially impression.

it's more like a product that you can rate it as a branded one. you know what i mean.

and after that i started follow my another friend to catholic church.

i have to say that it was totally different.. from all those protestant church

honestly, i didn't know why i was going there.

and frankly, the church gave me big pressure.. i don't know why.

i just can't stand if i have to stand alone in there as if everybody

was going to look at me and give weird expression.

so, that was my church experience and i never go to church ever since.

because i know no matter how, their God won't fill me and i'm not a vessel of their God.